Something great

So today I am Still with Robert and we are expecting a baby lol thats scary lol but i am happy with him i think i hold grudges and he did some things i am having trouble getting over but i am working on it we have been together a while now since september 11 ya 9/11 think there is a hidden message of disaster in there lol well hope fully its got it out of its system we kinda were really really really lol really bumpy for hmmm lets see here haha about seven months honestly after all the shit i dont know how we can still be in love but we are working on it and i think we are doing really good.... then on june 10th i found out that my dad had passed away in a morotcycle accident and that was really hard to take for my family well imagine losing your father you can say anything about him you want but when it comes down to it you will miss him and all the regrets you have will be so much worse cuz you will never get to fix them... My dad hated robert really badly he thougt he was a loser and so on and so forth but after that day that we heard the news that my dad had passed away i think robert proved lots to him and i think my dad would have been really proud of him he help my whole family more than he thinks he did that means the world to me and my family and i know with all my heart to my dad this is alot harded to write than i thought it would be but life goes on right and all i can do is go on with it i wont dwell on my dads passing but instead think of him everyday and know that he is watching over me.... and to robert thank you for being there for me and I love you for everything you are and everything i hope we oneday can be and dad i love you to and hope you know that too

I never really believed in karama right cuz I mean I seemed to always escape it and never really got mine. I just stepped on everyone with no regret no worries no heart.... there are people I should beg forgiveness from there are people that will probably never forgive me.... First person i want the world to know i am sorry to is len I cheated on him in a drunken state and he still cared enough to take me home try and calm me down and try to frgive me and what did I do did not care sorry for that.... then there was darren barnstable oh wow I would understand if you wanted to take me out back and shoot me I cringe at this story... well me and darren were getting pretty I wanna say inlove cuz thats what I told him.... and he came and got me from my parents house and we were on the run from my parents from that point on and I lived at his house till we found our own little apartment lol it looked like it was built by midgets on mushrooms haha but it was ours and after a while of partying with randi I met robby... and well see I told soooo many lies that I managed to keep darren and robby I made robby think me and darren were broken up when in fact we were the oppsite and I saw darren everyday and saw his pain and disregarded it totally... so I was cheating on darren with robby and darren knew the whole time and didnt do anything just watched someone he loved break his heart over and over I even brought robby to our place and slept with him in the next room and darren had to hear that.... then I left darren for robby and then I fucked robby over I cheated on him one unfortunate night and robby cared for me enough to stay with me anyway dispite everything I dont think he ever knew I was with darren so robby if you read this I was so not faithful to you.... next in line is brad... wow was that a gong show.... but ok here is how that went we moved in together after like 2 weeks cuz I had to move away and he was like well why not try it right?? so I did it was intense I think we fell in love way to fast and one night all drunk some one kissed me and I kissed back that was the first holy shit one kiss and I was like nope you gotta leave then I didnt take care and hung out with him still... then there was robby I went to robbys house and was just goin to watch a movie then go home and it ended up with a kinda make out session then once more got offered up I found my head again and was like I gotta go home ya.... then I almost left him for the man I am with now and even cheated on brad with him a few times.... then I stayed with brad and we treated eachother like shit but in different ways I was bitch and always mad at him I think it was because we spent way too much time together... but even tho I did all this he was my karma yup he got me good so in the end I cant say I am sorry to him cuz I am not I am glad I inflicted some pain to him... I think and wonder do I really wish things to be different?? do I wish none of that happened and we were still together and I missed all that heart ache?? or am I glad I got my karma and finally see the hurt and destruction I did to other people and got this new outlook on it all and am refusing to put forth that kinda hurt on someone again and glad I found some one I am happy with now??  I think I can honestly say I am glad with this out come the feelings I have now still hurt everyonce in a while and I have learned that forever is not always forever and that that saying treat people the way you want to be treated is true cuz your karma will get you mine just took alot it took someone that I thought was the love of my life and split my little family up I no longer get to see my sweet coder and chop stick and they lost ice ice baby and she misses them its intense karma kicked my ass over and over and hurt some people and pets on the way my little brother misses brad so much he has a tamagotchie or whatever and named it brad lol how cute! but sad oh well I am goin to finish on this note everything happens for a reason and now I am where I am saposed to be and we will see where things go with my friends family and love intrest........ and sara says hi!!

look at the way we are to live our lives and think of how many aquire that status... then ask then ask them if they are happy what will they say?? what would their children say?? the definition of a good all around happy life is never what it seems look at the life of a simple basic person they are happy they have their stress money and what not but they learn to value that things that are important and he will be able to teach his children the value of hardwork and maybe walk his children to greatness but they will keep their values and recieve a much better chance at the kind of life we the population dream of... the rich man will spend his time trying to get more more toys more money more land more of everything he will teach his children to have the same outlook on life that it is all about having more and never see the flaws in the path he sent his family down for the simple fact that him himself is still diluted by the same sights but after all is said and done and he is getting to the last days and gains that wisdom that is far beyond 'stuff' the mistakes will be realized but by that point he cant change the paths that his offspring are on and die cold knowing that they will infact do the same... so I ask you what path would rather walk down??

She walked alone in stride yet surrounded by many she laughed and tried people thought she was funny But dull thought she locked in her pain her heart none quiet knowing everything driving her insane her friends quiet oblivious her boyfriend trying to break in she tries to clue her friends in she tries to let him in so she walks alone her heart full of pain and hate agonized and full of torment the end she cant quiet wait

so ya lol i dont know what to say lol cuz if i decide to talk wow i cant talk!! haha i could write a book so heres my story so far... ok sara is saying no no no book so everyone escapes death for now but you just wait the story of my life is yet to come i will yet be famous cuz i am the almighty haha just jokes but seriously lol! fuck around!!